16-Weeks Progress Report (FINALLY!)

16 weeks-old!

Margot turned 16 weeks-old yesterday, and we celebrated by playing at the dog park!!!  I’m shocked that I didn’t take more photos of her first dog park experience, but I was too busy loving every minute of watching her socialize with all the other dogs.  We met Courtney and Elsea there around 6:00 p.m. yesterday evening, and Margot immediately recognized Elsea.  There is a separate area for small dogs to run and play, which was empty at that time, so Courtney and I let Elsea and Margot have a little warm-up run around the empty area before I finally decided that Margot could probably handle meeting all of the other dogs.

Margot the wallflower

I don’t even know how to begin to describe what an awesome experience this was for me and Margot both.  Margot was a little overwhelmed at first when a herd of big dogs came over to greet her upon entering the park (we called this The Welcoming Committee, as this greeting procedure seemed to occur every time a new dog entered the park).  Margot mostly stuck to Elsea’s side at first and always made sure she knew where Elsea was whenever she got brave enough to explore on her own a little bit.  Meanwhile, Courtney and I were enjoying watching all of the dogs interact with each other and admiring all the different breeds.  One of my favorites was a GIANT, black Newfoundland, named Fat Head, who was so sweet and friendly, but still intimidated every dog he tried to play with because of his massive size.  There was also a sweet, stocky Bulldog, named Tank, a scruffy little Schnauzer/Border Collie mix, named Prudence, an adorable little mixed-breed puppy, named Miko, who was the same age as Margot, only half her size, a lot of Labs, lots of Chihuahuas, one Rottweiler, a Weimaraner, a couple of Boxers, a Husky puppy, and a bunch of awesome mutts! 

At one point, I was so caught up in admiring all the other dogs that I lost sight of Margot.  When I found her, she was sitting oh-so-properly in the corner of the fence, just watching all of the action around her.  I laughed at how intimidated and shy she was being and encouraged her to get back into the game.  She rejoined Elsea and ran around with her some more, but several minutes later, I found myself looking for Margot again.  This time, I found her sitting on one of the park benches, just chillin’ in between two dudes.  She definitely seemed more interested in making friends with the humans than with the other dogs for probably the first half-hour we were there.

"Get back in the same, Margot!"

During that time, Kristy and Zach came to check out the dog park and watch Margot play (Kristy was in HEAVEN, by the way), and Justin met us at the park after he got off work around 6:45 p.m.  Having more of “her people” there actually seemed to help boost Margot’s confidence a little, and she finally started socializing with the other dogs more, especially the little dogs.  In fact, by the end of the evening, Margot was having so much fun wrestling with a Chihuahua/Min Pin mix that Justin and I felt guilty making her leave!  But, alas, it was getting pretty chilly and I hadn’t brought a jacket, plus the sun was going down quickly, so we told all of Margot’s new friends “good-bye” and headed back home.

The one thing I learned right away about going to the dog park is that both the dog and the owner are going to come home covered in mud and dog slobber.  So, that meant that Margot had to have a bath when she got home.  The last time I had bathed her was probably a month ago, and she was a bit of a handful at that time because she kept trying to jump out of the tub.  Last night, however, I think she was too worn out to fight me because she just stood perfectly still the whole time I bathed her.  Afterwards, Justin wrapped her in a towel and she fell asleep in his arms while he held her on the couch. 

Making friends at the dog park

I honestly don’t think that Margot’s first experience at the dog park and with socializing with so many other dogs could have gone any better.  I’m so proud of her.  The weather is supposed to be nice again this evening, so I’m going to try taking Sam to the dog park with us tonight, as well!  I hope that Sam will enjoy it as much as Margot did, although I’m a little concerned that Sam might not handle meeting so many new dogs and people at one time as well as Margot did.  Sam’s 11 years-old, and for the majority of her life her world has basically consisted of me, Chris, Zach, Kristy, Ashley, Justin, Jocie, Lexie, and now Margot, and you guys remember how long it took her to warm up to Margot, right?  Typically, whenever another dog or unfamiliar person enters Sam’s little world, her initial reaction is along the lines of “Stranger!  Danger!”  She barks a lot at first, but she also calms down fairly quickly once she realizes that there is no actual danger.  So, I’m hoping that, even if she does freak out a little bit and bark at the other dog park-goers when we first get there, once she sees how calm I am and realizes how much fun Margot is having, maybe she’ll loosen up and actually enjoy the experience, too.  OMG, you guys just don’t even understand how happy it will make me if I get to watch my Samul run around and actually have fun playing with other dogs tonight!  I’m trying not to get my hopes up too high, but I do have a good feeling about this….

Anyway, I guess I should also give a quick 16-week progress report since I didn’t do one yesterday.   First of all, I’ve hung the bells from the kitchen door and have tried to encourage Margot to ring them before I take her outside to use the bathroom, but she is actually really afraid of those bells.  I thought maybe I just scared her when I first took her paw and made her touch them, so instead of making her ring the bells, I decided to just ring them myself before opening the door each time.  Well, I guess she just doesn’t like the sound, because that scares her, too.  Regardless, I haven’t removed the bells just yet.  You never know, she may get over it and eventually realize their purpose. 

Another thing that I’ve been doing lately, in regard to housebreaking, is leaving the sliding door open while we’re home so that Margot is able to go in and out by herself.  Margot and Sam both really seem to like this.  Last weekend, Margot actually took her Wubba toy outside to play with it on the deck while Sam laid outside on the deck with her and soaked up a little sun.  It’s just a shame that this is pretty much the only time of year that we’ll be able to leave the back door open for them like this.  It’s just not practical to leave the door open when it’s either really hot or really cold outside because it affects the temperature inside the house and lets in bugs during the summer months.  It makes me REALLY wish that we could have a doggy door because Margot hasn’t had one single accident while the back door has been left open for her.  In fact, whenever she goes outside to use the bathroom all by herself, she always comes RUNNING back inside and jumps all over us, smothering us with kisses, as if she’s really proud of herself!  Hahaha!  It’s pretty adorable. 

The only other major things to report are that Margot’s adult teeth are starting to come in, and she’s growing like a weed!  I kid you not, there are days when I SWEAR she has grown taller overnight.  Right now, she is almost up to my knees, which blows my mind.  What happened to that little 6 week-old peanut who used to be able to fit under my couch?!?!? 

Not only is Margot growing taller every day, but she’s also getting sweeter and sweeter.  This girl LOVES to be loved, and she gives as much love as she receives.  We still crack up at how Margot does her best to give everyone equal cuddling time whenever she’s hanging out with us in the evenings.  She’ll snuggle up to Justin and let him pet her for a few minutes, then she’ll get up and come over to plop down in my lap for a little while, and then she’ll get up and go over to the loveseat where Ashley is sitting to give her a few minutes of cuddle time, before eventually coming back over to Justin and starting the whole cuddle-cycle all over again.  It’s also funny watching her fight sleep for as long as she can.  Her eyes get really heavy, her blinks get longer and longer, and eventually her little head will start to wobble.  As soon as she nods off, though, she’ll quickly raise her head with her eyes wide open, and she’ll look around like, “What?  Who’s sleepy?  I’m not sleepy!”

I really cannot say this enough, but I honestly don’t know how I would get through the day sometimes without knowing that this little one is waiting for me when I get home.  After we got back from our vacation this past summer, I entered probably the worst depression I’ve ever experienced (and, if I’m being completely honest, I still haven’t really come out of it yet).  I’ve never been one to wallow in self-pity, but the amount of grief I’ve experienced due to so many losses in such a relatively short amount of time (first with losing Chris, then the devastating loss of Lexie after such a long, tortuous battle, and most recently the sudden loss of my Jocie just a month after losing Lou) has been, well, overwhelming, to say the least.  Unfortunately, each loss that I’ve experienced has also come with a huge price tag attached, which has resulted in a mountain of debt that I can’t even begin to wrap my brain around how I’m ever going to be able to pay off, which now has me seriously worried about losing my house.  There’s even more that I could add to this sob story, but my point isn’t to try to make people feel sorry for me (believe it or not).  My point is that Margot has been my little beacon through this fog since the day we brought her home two and a half months ago.  Sometimes, even I have a hard time believing how much joy she’s still able to make me feel, despite the fact that my life is pretty sad and crappy at the moment.  Margot doesn’t feel sorry for me, though.  She doesn’t know or care about what I’ve been through already or about how many more bad things are on my horizon.  All she cares about is playing and cuddling with me when I get home from work, which is actually quite a comforting thought.   I am so thankful that I have Margot in my life right now because she makes me forget about all of my sob-story problems and focus on something positive (her) every single day, even if it’s only for a few hours. 

To be clear, I’m not saying that Sam DOESN’T bring me joy because I do love Sam with ALL my heart.  However, after having just lost Lexie and Jocie so suddenly within a month of each other, I can’t help but face the reality that I’m eventually going to have to say good-bye to Sam, too, and it’s hard not to think about that every time I look at her now.  Once again, though, I have Margot to thank for not allowing me to focus on such negative thoughts.  Without Margot around, I’m certain that Sam would have spent the rest of her days just lying on the sofa, being lazy and lonely, and I would have done nothing but feel sorry for her and dread the day when I’ll have to let her go.  Instead, thanks to Margot’s persistence and Sam finally warming up to her, I get to watch my 11 year-old Samul play every single day, which brings me more joy than I can even begin to describe.   

Yes, I can say with 150% certainty that Margot is definitely the best unsure decision I have ever made.  I just hope that she understands how much she means to us and how much I appreciate her love, because I’ll truly never be able to say it enough…and Margot doesn’t understand English.  ;)

Bath time!

Feeling Pretty Low

We made it back home to WV from our vacation in Emerald Isle, NC this past Friday evening.  I wish I could tell you that I had a fantastic time, but unfortunately I had to go to the beach with a VERY heavy heart this year.  Don’t get me wrong, the beach was beautiful, the house was amazing, my friends were awesome (all 15 of them), and my little brother even proposed to his girlfriend, Kristy!   Like I said, though, it was just very unfortunate that my heart wasn’t 100% into the vacation this year due to the sudden loss of my Jocie the day before we left and, of course, the tragic loss of my Lou just a month prior to that.  Still, I tried to put on a happy face and not think about the sadness for the majority of our vacation, but it all sunk in pretty hard during the drive home.

All of us in Emerald Isle, NC, 2012

I also wish I could tell you that my mood improved greatly once I was reunited with Margot and Sam, but again, unfortunately I cannot.  Although I was VERY happy to see Sam and Margot again, my heart still remains heavy, as I have had to make a very difficult decision this past weekend.   Margot has basically become obsessed with Sam and will NOT leave her alone.  It’s very sad because she is only being a normal puppy and wanting Sam to play with her, but it truly is making Sam’s life a living Hell.  Margot is constantly nipping at her, climbing all over her, and running circles around her, which is driving Sam crazy.  I did some reading about this type of situation online, and everything advises against yelling at Margot because it might really confuse her, as she is merely behaving like a normal, playful puppy.  The articles I’ve read said that the best thing to do is separate the older dog from the puppy while the puppy is being playful, but that has proven to be a problem for us because Sam doesn’t like spending time alone.  We’ve tried allowing Sam to go upstairs by herself in order to get away from Margot for a while, but if Justin and I BOTH are not upstairs with her, she doesn’t want to stay up there.  She’ll come back down to the baby gate and cry until we let her back down, despite knowing that the puppy is going to continue picking on her. 



Reunited and it feels so gooood!



Fortunately, Justin’s mother apparently fell in LOVE with our Sam while she babysat the girls for us last week.  She loves how affectionate Sam is, and she even let Sam sleep in the bed with her at night, which is Sam’s idea of HEAVEN.  Not only that, but Sam also loved spending her days lounging on Justin’s parents’ screened-in wrap-around porch and enjoyed their large, fenced-in back yard.  Therefore, I am considering a sort of “joint custody” arrangement between us and Justin’s parents because not only do I feel like it might make Sam much happier, but Justin’s mother has mentioned several times how much she misses Sam ever since we picked her up last Friday. 

Even as I type this, though, the thought of not having Sam at home with me 24/7 makes my heart ache, which is why I’m only considering doing this on a trial basis for now.  The thing is, I really don’t know how much time Sam has left, and I’d much rather her spend her golden years enjoying a big back yard, chillin’ out on a screened-in porch, and soaking up the tons of affection that I know Justin’s mother will give her than spend her final days constantly trying to avoid the annoyance of an incessantly nipping, rambunctious puppy.  Believe me, I would not be giving this “joint custody” idea one ounce of consideration if I didn’t feel like it would make Sam a million times happier, and everyone who has seen Margot pestering Sam over the last couple of days has agreed with me 100% that it is probably a good idea.  So, starting tonight, we’re going to try leaving Sam with Justin’s parents during the week, and then we’ll bring her home on the weekends.  If Sam seems even the least bit upset about being away from home, I will just have to figure out something else.  However, if Sam truly seems happier staying with Justin’s parents, no matter how I’ll miss her or how much my heart will ache, at least I will know she’s happy.  (Ugh.  I’m tearing up just thinking about this.)

I really do wish I could have written a happier post about how much fun we had at the beach and how great things are now that we’re back home, but as you’ve probably gathered by now, this has basically been the worse summer of my life.  For the record, I’m normally a very optimistic person, and finding silver linings has always come very naturally to me, but it’s becoming harder and harder to bounce back from life’s “little” set-backs, especially when so many horrible things have happened in such a short amount of time, and they’ve all been extremely tragic with very complicated circumstances.  Just so you fully understand where I’m coming from, let’s re-cap, shall we?

Three years ago, I had to deal with my husband’s tragic (and highly dramatic) suicide on TOP of also dealing with his alcoholism and mental illness, and I even later discovered he had been lying to me for years about just about everything, including our financial situation.  My photography business basically came to a screeching halt after that as I focused on putting my life back together, mainly for the sake of my three girls (Jocie, Sam, and Lexie), which decreased my now single income even more significantly.  Last summer, I was laid off from my job due to cut-backs and struggled for two whole months to find new employment and practically drained my savings account in the process.  This summer, I spent two months draining my savings account even further (almost down to nothing) while running my beloved Lexie back and forth to Columbus, Ohio in an unsuccessful attempt to save her eyes, only to find out after putting her through three traumatic eye surgeries that she had Stage IV mammary cancer, which the so-called “specialists” at MedVet had somehow missed during previous testing.  During all of this, on the 4^th of July, I learned that one of my best friends from high school, Beth, was found dead by her 16 year-old son after she laid down for a nap the previous afternoon and never woke up (they believe she had a seizure).  Then, a few days later, the day after Lexie’s stitches were finally removed from her pointlessly empty, infected eye sockets, Lexie was in so much pain from her mammary cancer that she collapsed and had to be put down.  Justin and I tried to bring some happiness back into our lives by bringing home Margot, which worked for a few weeks, but then, just one month after losing Lexie (a couple weeks ago), I had to put down my oldest, Jocie, the day before our summer vacation after learning that she had advanced kidney failure and was no longer eating.  And now, here I am, thousands of dollars in debt and about to send my sweet Sam off to live with another family because I foolishly thought an 11 year-old dog and a less than 4 month-old puppy would have no problems living together. 

If I REALLY wanted to pile on the doom and gloom, I guess I could also mention that over the past two years I’ve managed to fall madly in love with a wonderful man who also just happens to have Type I diabetes and was told when he was 8 years-old that he probably won’t live past the age of 40.  That, of course, probably isn’t true, and it was horrible of Justin’s doctors to tell him such a thing back then, but the fact remains that he WILL eventually develop serious complications due to his diabetes.  Hopefully, that won’t happen for many, many years, but every single day I live with the fear that I will someday lose him and ultimately die alone.   So, how’s that for an extremely gloomy ending to an incredibly depressing rant?

Okay, okay…I will now try to prove that I’m normally an optimistic person by ending this Debbie Downer blog post on some positive notes.  For one, as I mentioned earlier, Zach and Kristy are now officially engaged, and I am beyond excited for their wedding next year!  (The date hasn’t been set in stone yet, but they’re thinking about the end of September, 2013.)  I am also extremely honored that Kristy has asked me to be one of her bridesmaids.  I’ve photographed literally HUNDREDS of weddings over the past eight years, but I’ve never actually been in a wedding before!  I’m so happy for both of them, as they make each other very happy.

Left - Margot at 7 wks with Mandee; Right - Margot at 11 wks with Ashley

Another positive thing is that our friend and roommate, Ashley, returned home from her three-month-long trip to teach in Africa this summer and finally met Margot for the first time on Sunday night.  I’m pretty sure that she and Margot fell instantly in love, and Ashley seems excited about having a new puppy in the house.   Ashley is also a lot of fun to have around, so I’m looking forward to many laughter-filled nights hanging out with her at home. 

Finally, I wouldn’t dream of ending this blog post without saying at least a few positive things about Miss Margot.  For one, I couldn’t believe how much she grew during the one short week that we were gone!  She’s so long and lanky now, and her paws are absolutely HUGE.  I don’t know how she’s ever supposed to grow into those paws if they just keep getting bigger as the rest of her grows!  I was a little worried that she may have become a little less disciplined while we were away, but thankfully Margot is still a very good puppy.  Don’t get me wrong, she has her moments, but overall she really is surprisingly well-behaved for being only 11 weeks-old.  I also think that she may be officially entering the teething stage, as chewing on the Nylabone is her #1 favorite thing in the world right now.   She continues to show bite inhibition when she plays, though, and she is still happy to redirect her play-biting to a toy when one is given to her, so I’m very happy about all of that. 



Teething time!



I will also say that, despite all of the above-mentioned doom and gloom that is currently hanging over my head, it is impossible not to smile, laugh, or feel at least a small amount of happiness when I’m playing with Margot.  She is so much fun and such a joy to have around.  I wish with all my heart that she and Sam were getting along better, and I hate, hate, HATE that Sam may occasionally have to stay somewhere else for the sake of giving her a “happily ever after,” but I am still so thankful that Justin and I decided to bring Margot into our lives because, otherwise, I feel like we would just be holding our breath and counting down the days until we have to say good-bye to Samul, too.   Margot gives me a reason to look forward to what lies ahead instead of just dreading what might happen next.  She also continuously surprises me with her ability to lift my spirits, no matter how overwhelmed by sadness I am or how hopeless I may feel, even if it’s only for a few minutes at a time.