The Best "Mistake" I Ever Made (and Learned From)

About a month ago, I discovered a website called DobermanTalk.com.  One of the main attractions on this site is the discussion forums, where people can post questions or comments about Dobermans and other members can reply.    After Lexie’s third eye surgery, I started a thread in the Doberman Health forum asking other members for advice about helping her adjust to her blindness.  I received many kind comments, and after Lexie passed away, I also received many sincere condolences.  Based on that experience, I thought DobermanTalk.com was a warm community of Doberman owners/enthusiasts who were there to share stories about their Dobes and to help one another.

As it turns out, there is also a “dark side” to these discussion forums, which I learned firsthand a couple of nights ago.  I decided to post a few photos of Margot to the Doberman Puppies forum, just to kind of brag a little and introduce her to the other members of the site.  I mentioned in my post that we “adopted” Margot shortly after losing Lexie because we wanted so desperately to ease the pain of grieving.  While some of the feedback I received was very kind and welcoming, I was quite surprised when I also received several negative, scolding replies.   I was actually offended at first because I felt like some of the more judgmental, know-it-all members of the website were just ganging up on me for the sake of being be mean. 

First, they scolded me for using the word “adopted” instead of “purchased,” because apparently “rescuers find it offensive when people who purchase their puppies say that they ‘adopted’ them.”  This kind of blew my mind, but okay, whatever.  For the record, though, I used the word “adopted” simply because in my mind this means the same as “became the mother of.”  The word “purchased” just sounds so cold to me, like I merely paid money for some new thing.  Furthermore, doesn't money exchange hands during any sort of adoption process?  We certainly do not consider adopted children to be "purchased children," so why should I have to call Margot my "purchased puppy?"  Regardless, for the sake of not OFFENDING anyone, I will no longer use the word "adopted" in reference to Margot.

The other reason why some members of the forum lashed out at me was because I purchased Margot from what they call a “back yard breeder” (BYB), which is apparently highly frowned upon.  I’m not quite as surprised by this scolding, however, as I have been learning quite a lot since I first purchased Margot, and I must say that I have to agree with them on this point.   

While I liked the people from whom I purchased Margot, and I do believe that they care about placing their puppies in the best homes possible, in hindsight I probably would not have answered their ad just based on the fact that the puppies were being sold at 6 weeks of age.  As I mentioned in a previous post, I have since learned that it is actually very important that the puppies stay with their mother and siblings for at least 8 weeks because they are still learning some very important lessons at that time, which are best taught by the puppies’ mother and through playing with their siblings.  A “good breeder” should definitely know that.  I hate to say that I purchased Margot from a “bad breeder” because, again, I do not think that they were bad people, I just don’t think they are educated enough about good breeding practices. 

Regardless, I obviously cannot say at this point that I regret answering their ad because it brought Margot into our lives, and Justin and I couldn’t be more in love with our little girl.  However, I strongly encourage those of you who are thinking about purchasing a new puppy to PLEASE do a lot of research before you even start looking.   I did some research before I began my puppy search, but I mostly only researched what types of questions I should ask a breeder.  My intentions were good, in that I wanted to make sure I didn’t purchase a puppy from a puppy mill or anything like that, but I obviously didn’t do enough research because I didn’t realize that Margot’s litter was being sold two weeks too early.

The bottom line is that it’s important to know good breeding practices from bad breeding practices before you start looking for a new puppy because you never want to support a BYB who views having litters as a source of income.   I don’t know for certain if that was the case with me, and I certainly hope not, but it’s definitely possible given the fact that the puppies were being sold too early.  I have definitely learned from this experience, though, and I will never make that mistake again.  Not that I consider Margot to be a “mistake” (that sounded bad), but I do consider her to be my first very valuable lesson about BYB’s. 

**ADDENDUM**

While the focus of this blog entry centered around breeding practices, I just wanted to add, if you are considering adding a new puppy to your family, PLEASE also heavily consider visiting your local animal shelter or finding a rescue group for the breed of your choice.  As I've mentioned previously, Sam and Jocie were both pound puppies, and I honestly couldn't have asked for a better couple of dogs.  Just as I've declared that I will always have a Doberman in my life, I should also add that I will continue to rescue pups from the animal shelter, as well, for as long as I live.  :)

Sam and Jocie vs. Margot

As I mentioned in my very first post, I knew that Sam and Jocie, my other two girls, would probably have a hard time adjusting to having young Margot running around the house.   After all, Sam and Jocie are both old (11 and 12 years, respectively), and neither of them have ever been very active dogs.  Sam is part coonhound, and pretty much her only activities include eating, sleeping, using the bathroom, and cuddling on the couch.  Jocie is part Border Collie, which is typically an active breed, but Jocie is, well, a bit on the heavier side, to put it tactfully.  She has also always preferred to spend most of her time alone in one of her preferred “hiding places,” rather than interact with Sam or Lexie. 

When we first brought Lexie home 8 years ago, Sam was approximately 2 years-old, but every bit as lazy as she is today.  Lexie kept trying to play with Sam, but it only made Sam nervous, and she would run to Chris, my late husband, for comfort and protection from the wild puppy.   (Oh yeah, I should mention that Sam is also a very nervous dog who is easily “traumatized” and has been known to eat large areas of fur off her back as a result.)  When Lexie attempted to cuddle Sam the first night we brought her home and Sam tried to run away, Chris actually made Sam lie still and let Lexie cuddle her, even though Sam really didn’t want to at first.   However, from that night on, Sam and Lexie became the BIGGEST cuddle buddies you’ve ever seen, and for the next 8 years, they were basically each other’s pillows and/or body-warmers. 

Therefore, I have been hoping that history will repeat itself, and hopefully Sam will learn to tolerate and eventually love Margot, just like she did with Lexie.   Until a couple days ago, though, I wasn’t so sure that was ever going to happen.  Sam was a nervous wreck for the first couple of days after we brought Margot home.  She eventually stopped being nervous after about the first week, but Sam still refused to let Margot have much contact with her and actually started hiding behind the sofa to get away from the crazy puppy.  

Jocie, on the other hand, hasn’t acted quite as upset about Margot joining our family, but Jocie has always been kind of an old bitty with very little tolerance for younger dogs, and Margot is apparently no exception.   If Margot tries to play with Jocie, Jocie gives off a low growl, just to let Margot know that she is not interested in playing with her.  On one or two occasions, Margot has continued to press her luck with Jocie, which resulted in Jocie actually barking and nudging Margot away, but she obviously has no intention of physically harming the puppy.  Still, I do try to discourage Jocie from growling and especially barking at Margot, but only if I feel like Jocie’s just being a grouch.  If, however, I see that Margot is truly overstepping her boundaries, I will let Jocie growl at her because I feel like Margot needs to “learn her place.”  As I mentioned in my previous post, Margot missed out on two whole weeks-worth of learning important lessons regarding discipline and dominance from her mother and siblings, so I feel like it’s actually a good thing that Jocie is establishing her personal boundaries with Margot.    I kind of wish Sam would be a little more assertive and do the same.

After watching Sam continuously run from, hide from, and generally avoid Margot for almost two weeks, I’ve started to feel really sorry for Sam, but also guilty for selfishly expecting Sam to be able to tolerate this rambunctious little puppy at her age.   So, I’ve made it my mission to make it up to her and also make sure that she and Jocie know they are still the Queens of our castle. 

Justin and I were already trying to be sure to give Sam and Jocie some undivided attention whenever possible, but we have recently decided to take that even a step further.  From now on, we will be taking Sam and Jocie on a puppy-free walk around the neighborhood each day after work, during which time Zach and Kristy, who live right next door, have agreed to puppy-sit for us!  It works out perfectly, because not only do Sam and Jocie get some much-needed exercise and enjoy a break from Margot, but Zach and Kristy get to spend some quality time with their “niece,” and spending time in a different environment with different people and animals (Kristy has three cats) will undoubtedly help Margot become a well-socialized puppy. 

Our first puppy-free walk was this past Monday, and it was even more successful than I had hoped!  Jocie and Sam were both grinning from ear to ear during their walk around the neighborhood.   They were both pretty exhausted when we got back, but they were also VERY happy girls, which made Justin and I very happy parents.   Margot was also having a blast at Aunt Kristy and Uncle Zach’s place when I went to pick her up, and Zach and Kristy seemed to enjoy having her.  So, I would definitely say that the daily puppy-free walks idea is a definite win-win for everyone.

I have saved the best news for last, though.  Later that night, as Sam and Jocie were both passing out after their big walk, Justin and I watched Margot climb up onto the futon where Sam had laid down to sleep.  We were prepared to yell at Margot if she tried to bite Sam’s ears or tail, which is what she usually does.  Instead, we watched in amazement as Sam actually allowed Margot to crawl on top of her and lie down on Sam’s back, and then both of them began to fall asleep!  I was beside myself with joy!  I immediately ran upstairs to grab my camera, hoping and praying that Sam wouldn’t change her mind and jump up before I had a chance to take a picture, but the two of them actually continued to cuddle for at least the next 30 minutes or so!  I don’t know if Sam was just so exhausted from her walk that she didn’t have the energy to protest or what, but seeing that magical moment was enough to convince me even more that daily puppy-free walks was the best idea EVER!

But wait!  There’s even more good news!  Despite the fact that Sam allowed Margot to cuddle her for a little bit on Monday night, she still hasn’t exactly grown to love Margot yet.  Sam continues to avoid the puppy for the most part, although she is definitely a little more tolerant about letting Margot romp around her for short periods of time.  Last night, a few friends came over to meet and play with Margot, and at one point I decided to let the girls out into the back yard.  After Margot chased Sam around the yard for a bit, Sam finally started barking at Margot, although not really in a “mean” way.  I just thought it was kind of funny that Margot wasn’t backing down, so I grabbed my iPhone and started filming it.  However, as you will hear in the video, there was a moment when I realized that Sam wasn’t just barking at Margot because she was annoyed by her, she was PLAYING with her!!!   I realized this after I noticed that Sam’s tail was wagging, and she even seemed to be smiling in between barks, but it wasn’t until Margot ran and Sam actually ran after her that I knew without a doubt that Sam was ACTUALLY playing with her!  As I said earlier, Sam has never really played much, not even as a puppy, which is why I couldn’t believe my eyes.   I am SO happy that I was able to capture this moment on video:

So, I would definitely say that some progress is being made in terms of Sam and Margot getting along, which makes me happier than I can even tell you.   I don’t really expect much more out of Jocie because she has always preferred to be a loner, but I do think her tolerance for Margot might improve as Margot grows out of her super-rambunctious stage.   Overall, we’ve still got a long road ahead of us, but at least now it feels more like an actual possibility that Sam and Margot might eventually become friends.   :)

6-8 Weeks: Crating, Housebreaking, and Play-Biting

Margot is 8 weeks-old today!  I can’t believe how quickly the last two weeks have flown by and how much she’s already grown!  I’ve never adopted a puppy as young as Margot before.  I estimate that each of my other girls were probably close to a year-old when I adopted them, give or take a few months.  I really didn’t think that raising a 6 week-old puppy would be that different from raising Jocie, Sam, or Lexie, but I’m learning that there is definitely a little bit of extra work involved.   Here’s what we’ve accomplished so far:

As far as crate-training and housebreaking go, Margot has done so well that I’ve declared she is a Puppy Genius to several of my friends and family.  For the first two nights, Justin and I slept on our futon mattress in the living room in front of Margot’s crate, and I woke up at 3:00 a.m. and 6:00 a.m. to take her outside (puppy bladders can only “hold it” for 2-3 hours).   Margot completely surprised us by how well she did and, I kid you not, by the third night our little 6 week-old puppy was completely crate-trained!   

I also consider Margot to be a Puppy Genius in the housebreaking department, although she is not yet fully housebroken.  She is able to hold it for several hours while she’s in her crate, she has learned that the purpose of going into the back yard is to use the bathroom, and she will use the bathroom almost every single time we take her out, which is quite often.  However, she will still occasionally have an accident in the house if we’re not watching her carefully because she hasn’t yet figured out that she needs to tell us when she has to use the bathroom, although I’ve been pleasantly surprised by how few accidents she’s had.

Last night, I had Margot over at my brother, Zach, and his girlfriend, Kristy’s, apartment, and I noticed she was starting to sniff around a little.  Then, to my surprise, Margot actually walked into the kitchen and towards their back door.  I immediately asked, “Margot, you gotta go pee?” and then praised her BIG TIME when she took another step towards the door.  Hopefully that was an indication that she’s beginning to understand that if she communicates her needs, we will respond appropriately.  

Our biggest challenge with Margot, so far, has been with play-biting.  For starters, I’ve learned that, even though Margot and her siblings were able to eat hard puppy food and were mostly weaned from their mother, many experts still consider 6 weeks of age to be too young for a puppy to be adopted.   Many articles say that it’s important for the puppy to stay with her litter and her mother for a full 8 weeks.  If the puppy is adopted before 8 weeks, she hasn’t experienced enough discipline in terms of play-biting or establishing dominance from her mother or her other siblings.  For example, as the mother weans her litter, she teaches the puppies that “no means no” and establishes herself as their leader by growling and/or walking away from them when they try to latch.  (We actually saw Margot’s mother doing this to her litter the day we adopted Margot.) Also, when a puppy wrestles and plays with a sibling, she learns that if her sibling yelps and stops playing with her, she’s bitten him/her too hard. 

However, because we brought Margot home before she had a chance to fully learn those lessons, she basically viewed me, Justin, and others as simply other members of her litter.  As a result, there has been a lot of play-biting and, while I know that this is typical playful puppy behavior, I’ve explained to Justin and all our friends that it is very important we discourage Margot from biting at all times.  It is also very important that we establish ourselves as her leader right from the start if we want her to become a well-behaved, obedient Doberman.

It turns out that this is much easier said than done, especially at such a young age, but I’ve been trying to combine a few techniques I’ve heard about online and from my friends.  First, I try to correct Margot’s behavior when she play-bites by telling her “No! No bite!” and then I redirect her attention to one of her toys.  If that doesn’t work and she bites me again, I immediately give a high-pitched yelp, but without pulling away (immediately pulling your hand away makes your puppy think you want to keep playing).  Then, I give her a VERY sad look right in her eyes and say, “OOOowwww!  Margot hurt me,” and then I slowly turn my back to her and pretend to cry.  It’s all very melodramatic and quite hilarious, but I think it’s actually starting to work.    She will usually just sit there and look confused for a second while I “cry”, but then she will eventually try to cuddle up next to me.   If she does this and remains calm for several seconds, I then gently pet her and say, “Good girl, Margot.  No bite.  Good girl.” 

Of course, a lot of times after I’ve “made up” with Margot, she will immediately try to play-bite me again, which can be frustrating to say the least.  However, I knew going into this that training a puppy requires TONS of patience, perseverance, and consistency, so I just simply repeat the whole routine if she bites me again.  If she does it a third time, however, I don’t just turn my back to her, I actually stand up and walk away for a little while in order to really get the message across that biting = no more playtime. 

As I said, we’ve been trying this method for two weeks now without seeing much improvement, but last night I thought I saw some signs that Margot is finally starting to “get it” because I didn’t have to repeat the corrections as many times before she stopped biting.  I’m not trying to kid myself, though.  Margot may be a Puppy Genius, but she is still only 8 weeks-old, and I’d be a fool to expect her to completely stop biting and chewing anytime soon.  After all, I’m pretty sure she’s not even teething yet.

Overall, though, I’m pretty proud of Justin and myself for our puppy-parenting thus far.   I think we’re doing a pretty good job of establishing our role as the “pack leaders,” as well as laying the ground rules for what is and is not considered to be acceptable behavior.   It can be difficult, though, because right now it feels like all we do is tell Margot “No!” when all we really want to do is just cuddle and love on her, but I know from my experience with raising Lexie that all of this discipline will pay off in spades in the long run.  In the meantime, despite our occasional frustration and exhaustion, Justin and I are definitely enjoying Margot’s crazy puppy antics, because we also know the day will soon come when we will actually say that we miss her rambunctious puppy phase. 

Big Shoes to Fill

It’s hard to believe that it was only two months ago when I first decided to start my previous blog, originally titled “A New Life for Lexie,” with the intention of documenting my beloved 9 year-old Doberman’s full recovery and adjustment to blindness after undergoing a bilateral enucleation (surgical removal of the eyes).   Unfortunately, Lou’s story did not have the happy ending that I had expected (quite the opposite, in fact).  While I welcome you to read my previous blog in order to get the full back-story, I will warn you that it is not a very happy read.  Justin and I, as well as all of Lexie’s other friends and family, had to finally say good-bye to our sweet Lou on July 26, 2012.   

I was so devastated by Lexie’s passing that for the first few days afterwards, it almost felt like actual physical pain.   I couldn’t believe how much it hurt, and after the third day of grieving this way, I decided that I simply had to do something to try to kick-start the healing process.  Justin had mentioned the idea of looking for a new Doberman puppy.  He feared that our house would feel empty without a big Dobe personality to balance out the lazy, super-chilled personalities of our other two dogs, Jocie (a 12 year-old Border Collie mix) and Sam (an 11 year-old Coonhound/Rottweiler mix).  Justin also thought that having a new puppy to raise would be a good distraction from our grief and would undoubtedly bring some fun and positivity back into our lives. 

I resisted the idea at first because I wasn’t sure if my heart was ready to love another Doberman so soon after losing my Lou, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that Justin was probably right.  Besides, for the last two and a half years, Justin has been a wonderful “adoptive dad” to my three girls (Jocie, Sam, and Lexie), but he has also mentioned on a few occasions that he would love to be able to adopt a new puppy together someday.   Well, Sunday, July 29, 2012 turned out to be that day.

We drove 4.5 hours to Celina, Ohio to meet the breeders, Megan and Randy, whom I found through the eBay Classifieds.  The drive there was an emotional roller coaster ride for me.  One minute I felt excited about adopting a new Doberman, but then the next minute I felt a little guilty about bringing a rambunctious little puppy into Sam and Jocie's lives so soon after Lexie had passed.  Justin kept assuring me that Sam and Jocie would eventually adjust to having a puppy around, but I knew we were probably in for a bumpy adjustment period.  The closer we got to Celina, however, those feelings of fear and guilt were replaced with nervousness and excitement knowing that we were about to pick out our new little Dobe babe!

Now, I don’t know if you guys understand how much I LOVE Doberman puppies, but let’s just say that the mere sight of a photograph of a Dobe pup sends me into fits of silent screaming and pulling at my hair.   So, with that in mind, try to imagine my reaction as I stood in front of Megan and Randy's garage when the door lifted open and released a stampede of adorable little 6 week-old, black and tan Doberman puppies!!!!   I think I actually died a little from cuteness overload.  It was ridiculous.

Anyway, after I was revived (kidding), I asked which puppies were female, and the first one they handed me was Margot.  She was BEAUTIFUL!  Honestly, as soon as Margot laid those big, soulful brown eyes on me, I couldn't even look at any of the other puppies.  Then, Megan told me that this puppy was the runt of the litter, which was just the icing on the puppy cake, as far as I was concerned, because Lexie had also been a runt.  I let Margot give me a few kisses before I handed her over to Justin while giving him "The Look."  As soon as he held her, she immediately began giving him kisses, too, and just like that we were both instantly in love. 

Now, a week and a half later, I cannot tell you how much this rotten little scoundrel has helped both Justin and I in terms of grieving Lexie.  I still miss Lexie tremendously and think about her every single day, but I no longer feel like I’m drowning in that sadness.  Hell, I don’t have time to!  Have you ever tried keeping up with a 6-8 week-old puppy?!?!  Not only that, but Justin was absolutely right about a new puppy bringing that fun, positive energy back into our house.  Margot is the most fun!

Shortly after we brought Margot home, someone suggested I start a new blog all about raising her, but I wasn't really sure if this experience warranted a whole new blog.  I mean, it’s not like Justin and I are the first couple in the world to ever raise a Doberman puppy.  However, my mind changed this past weekend when we took Margot for her first check-up with Dr. Ginger Ellis, our incredibly caring vet who also took care of Lexie.  As soon as Dr. Ellis saw Margot, she grinned, lowered her face close to Margot’s, and said quietly, “You’ve got some big shoes to fill, pup,” all while scratching her gently behind her floppy little ears.   It moved me to tears, and it also made me realize that there actually is more to our story than just "raising Margot."

So, my intention for this blog is to not only chronicle the daily the ups and downs of raising a crazy little Doberman puppy, but to also document how, over time, our little Margot will undoubtedly rise to the challenge of “filling Lexie’s shoes."  Although Lou can never be replaced, Margot has already managed to find a very special place in our hearts.